I called my mom today to chat (I need to plan out creative ideas for work and I think better when I talk it through). She accidentally switched the call to FaceTime so I zoomed in on my dogs and had her looking at my hot pink socks while I wandered around the house.
Yesterday was trash day, so I went through the fridge and emptied everything out, trashing old stuff and cleaning out the shelves. I reorganized so that all the veggies were on top, within easy grabbing reach (since then I've realized that apparently you're not supposed to do that because you'll go to eat some cucumber and it will be frozen, but that's besides the point). Since I was on FaceTime with my mom and I thought my fridge looked pretty, I decided to show it to her. She was impressed.
But she also said to me – so cavalierly I couldn't believe it, "I don't clean my fridge, but that's nice." And she laughed.
She laughed.
I know she doesn't clean her fridge. I lived with her for 18 years. When we did clean the fridge together it was because something had been rotting in it for weeks or months and the smell was unbearable. I didn't open containers of food and then put them back in the fridge. I ate exclusively single serve foods. As a family, we cleaned the fridge – a deep clean where everything was sorted through and everything wiped down – once during the four years I was in high school. I just looked it up and it's recommended that you do that once a month. We did it once in four years. Before then, we must have cleaned it when we got the new fridge when I was like 12. The old fridge, of course, sat under our porch for six years.
And she keeps on making joking, casual comments about how she doesn't clean and she doesn't understand the problem in what she's saying.
I was cleaning the bathroom while on the phone with her one time and spraying down the toilet with 409. I asked her what cleaning products she used in the bathroom to see if there was something that would be better (I'm thinking I might want to switch to something bleach-based). Her answer?
"Well, I would use 409 if I did clean, but I don't." And more laughter.
It's almost as if she's casually bragging about it.
The way that you steal a bite of your friend's dessert when you're on a diet. Or how you splurge and order a second glass of wine. The way you say, "Oh, I'm so bad," and laugh about it like it's some great joke we all relate to. Kind of like this Family Guy sketch.
But the thing is, normally when you say that sort of thing, "Oh I'm so bad", you say it because you're normally good about it. You know? It's the girl who goes to the gym before work every morning and drinks a protein shake, then has a great big salad at lunch, it's her who says it when she orders steak for dinner.
It's not my mom saying it when she hasn't cleaned since I was a toddler.
That's not bad for her. That's average. That's expected. It's not even a let-down anymore. It just is.
And maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe this great fear that's looming in me with her living on her own in her nice, new, clean house is something that's all in my mind. Maybe I'll visit her in a year or so and the house will be fine. Maybe I'm overreacting.
But I think I'm not.
Because even now, even when they're on their second dumpster of stuff to cart away from the house and it's so dirty they have to hire professional cleaners to come in and fix it, even now she still thinks it's all a joke.
Yesterday was trash day, so I went through the fridge and emptied everything out, trashing old stuff and cleaning out the shelves. I reorganized so that all the veggies were on top, within easy grabbing reach (since then I've realized that apparently you're not supposed to do that because you'll go to eat some cucumber and it will be frozen, but that's besides the point). Since I was on FaceTime with my mom and I thought my fridge looked pretty, I decided to show it to her. She was impressed.
But she also said to me – so cavalierly I couldn't believe it, "I don't clean my fridge, but that's nice." And she laughed.
She laughed.
I know she doesn't clean her fridge. I lived with her for 18 years. When we did clean the fridge together it was because something had been rotting in it for weeks or months and the smell was unbearable. I didn't open containers of food and then put them back in the fridge. I ate exclusively single serve foods. As a family, we cleaned the fridge – a deep clean where everything was sorted through and everything wiped down – once during the four years I was in high school. I just looked it up and it's recommended that you do that once a month. We did it once in four years. Before then, we must have cleaned it when we got the new fridge when I was like 12. The old fridge, of course, sat under our porch for six years.
And she keeps on making joking, casual comments about how she doesn't clean and she doesn't understand the problem in what she's saying.
I was cleaning the bathroom while on the phone with her one time and spraying down the toilet with 409. I asked her what cleaning products she used in the bathroom to see if there was something that would be better (I'm thinking I might want to switch to something bleach-based). Her answer?
"Well, I would use 409 if I did clean, but I don't." And more laughter.
It's almost as if she's casually bragging about it.
The way that you steal a bite of your friend's dessert when you're on a diet. Or how you splurge and order a second glass of wine. The way you say, "Oh, I'm so bad," and laugh about it like it's some great joke we all relate to. Kind of like this Family Guy sketch.
But the thing is, normally when you say that sort of thing, "Oh I'm so bad", you say it because you're normally good about it. You know? It's the girl who goes to the gym before work every morning and drinks a protein shake, then has a great big salad at lunch, it's her who says it when she orders steak for dinner.
It's not my mom saying it when she hasn't cleaned since I was a toddler.
That's not bad for her. That's average. That's expected. It's not even a let-down anymore. It just is.
And maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe this great fear that's looming in me with her living on her own in her nice, new, clean house is something that's all in my mind. Maybe I'll visit her in a year or so and the house will be fine. Maybe I'm overreacting.
But I think I'm not.
Because even now, even when they're on their second dumpster of stuff to cart away from the house and it's so dirty they have to hire professional cleaners to come in and fix it, even now she still thinks it's all a joke.
Maybe she makes light of the situation because she is embarrassed. This is the first post I have read from your blog. I intend to read them all.
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